1. |
The Myth of X-Ray Specs
03:45
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I clipped the ad from page 53, of my boy's life magazine; and ordered the coolest thing.
No, not the plastic bug ice cube. Not the life-like dog poop. Or gum that turns mouths blue.
See through to all the nicest sets.
A peeping tom disguised in x-ray specs.
I had sent out all my funds; and been waiting for two months; check the mail every day.
Yes, the package finally came, but my dreams were all in vein; they turned out to be so lame.
I received some cheap black frames, with lenses so dark, they wouldn't even know my name.
I see one thing clearly now, I got ripped off.
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2. |
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The TV's on, the couch looks so good.
It might not kill me but maybe it would.
Relentless ambition makes me compromise a couple little things; but who needs friendship, sound health, or good shits?
If I slow down, I'll lose my edge.
I'll stake it all to get the ace on you, my friend.
A hard, little man, who craps hard, little turds.
I must keep striving. My stomach's writhing.
I'm in it deep and getting deeper.
Heatseeker.
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3. |
Emily, Let's Go
03:56
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Emily, let's go.
Emily, it's cold.
This party is over, it ended hours ago.
There's bottles on the floor, and bodies on the floor, all of them are empty.
Don't want to party no more.
Is this what grown-up feels like?
This stuff don't make me feel right.
Let's do something else tonight.
Our time has passed.
There's broken glass and piss in the washer, the couch sticks to my ass.
Emily, let's go on the road.
We'll leave DeKalb in the mirror, don't want to party no more.
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4. |
Indestructible Suit
02:08
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I've been bit by a shark. I've been hit by a bus.
I've been struck by lightning, but I just dust off the scuffs.
I've been thrown off a cliff.
I have ridden the wave in a Pantera mosh pit.
But i'm okay.
Can't even feel it, when you're getting mauled by a bear, in the Indestructible Suit.
I've been gored by a bull. I've met the wrecking ball.
I've been buried alive, but I'm still standing tall.
I've been set on fire. An anvil dropped on my head
I've been pummeled in the nuts, but I'm far from dead.
Can't even feel it, when there's dynamite strapped to your chest, in the Indestructible Suit.
Can't even feel it when you're getting a bat to the skull,
in the Indestructible Suit.
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5. |
Too Lame for TV
02:38
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Long-lost, white-trash, super-sexy slut-bags; gang-banging, psycho-bitch, crack-lord, satanic-hicks; smack-shooting, porno-dwarf, aids-inflicted mutant-whores next on Ricki Lake.
Lard-ass, siamese, Marilyn manson wannabees.
12 year-old, skanky ho... loves back-woods neanderthal.
Every time I turn on the tube, my eyes and ears get full of shit. Solve you problems by yourself, and leave my TV out of it.
Homosexual secret crush, biker-babe and ritzy lush.
Washed-up TV stars, get punk rock makeovers.
Religious, taboo, schizophrenic, gurus.
Dead-beat, out-of-style, drag queen, pedophile.
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6. |
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Saturday night, in the basement of a white church, they're looking for the right words.
Day in and day out they practice this rite.
The point's to see and be seen.
Gonna vent some angry youth steam, gonna scream and shout.
This place smells like shite, but that don't keep the flakes out.
They come here just to make out when the lights go down.
Down the stairs, to your right, they'll be "pickin' up change" and that shit.
Don't stand there or you'll get hit when the band throws down.
Don't know what it's about, but it's something to do.
Each time that cop drives by I get a shorter fuse.
Don't know what it's about, but I got something to prove.
My mom's out of town, can I ride with you?
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7. |
Inner-Office-Food-Fight
02:37
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Cafeteria line, waiting to dine on some half-assed, Grade-F, slap-dash, luke-warm entree.
Took the first bite, something wasn't right. Once again I paid for steak and got shit sandwich.
Sometimes a man must take a stand... effect a change through drastic action.
My mashed potatoes strike like lightning. The war is on, it is worth fighting.
Whipped chocolate moose, and all hell broke loose. My tray becomes a shield, protect from nacho napalm.
Some mean Shepard's Pie rains in from the sky. The ketchup bottle at my side is locked and loaded.
Milkshake bombs are death from above. Meatloaf grenades and ding-dong scuds.
Brown bag lunch don't mean you're safe. Watch your back, here comes my plate.
The milk was halfway open, and tossed overhead without thought or much conviction.
The milk was slung through the air, and hit it's target with guided accurate precision.
The buffet table looks inviting. But tastes like shit, that's why we're fighting.
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8. |
Don's Package
03:36
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2:30 in the morning and I'm flipping to see what's on. A show about a wealth-building system is what I happen upon.
I absolutely couldn't believe what an incredible offer they had. You can make thousands of dollars placing tiny classified ads.
This amazing offer only lasts for the next 20 minutes. for the low, low price of $39.95 you can get rich.
After the first 2 weeks, I knew my money was well spent. I get to do my own thing from my one bedroom apartment.
The wealth building guides, a free website, and a money back guarantee. There's no one who knows how to make a buck, quite like Don Lapree.
This amazing offer only lasts for the next 20 minutes. for the low, low price of $39.95 you can get rich.
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9. |
CIA Garage Sale
02:52
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It's all for sale.
Time to liquidate everything.
Declassify everything.
Salvage the farm.
The free market prevails.
Buy a piece of history.
Tear down the embassy.
No need for alarm.
. . .and when you reach Berlin,
your team will have the network started,
then throw everything away.
. . . the airlift begins,
put pressure on the left-wing party,
send this message to the state.
We're giving up on state subversion.
It's not how it's done these days.
We tell 'em what they want, that's what we'll give them.
We'll make a faster buck that way.
It's all for sale.
Send in the suits, penetrate markets.
Fail the agents on the case.
Free market prevails.
Our images have found their targets, they'll win their hearts and minds with T&A.
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10. |
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When death was certain, they walked away, left him to rot in a sandy grave.
The sun was burning, then began to fade.
Revived by raindrops, he walked back to town.
He burned his coffin, then he turned around, built a ranch in the desert but we don't know how.
Beans for breakfast, meat from a can.
Food from the ranch house, avoid if you can.
Rumors of poison surround the pan.
He never spoke of vengeance, never clenched his hand.
The rustlers' descendants, they worked his land.
Delicious eggs and coffee, they had no chance.
In Desierto de los Muertos, rain falls three times a year.
Twice for the Earth and Her creatures, once for the white-haired devil.
When death was certain, they walked away.
Time for breakfast, time to pay.
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11. |
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When I was 13, I taught myself to drive.
I'd steal the car and give all my friends a ride.
We'd cruise to the mall, just to torment fat store clerks. Looking back upon it, it's no wonder I'm a jerk.
But I'm gonna change starting today.
Swear I'm gonna change, starting today.
Now i'm 26, and heading back to jail.
My girlfriend dumped me, and the judge denied my bail.
Tried holding down a job, that didn't work out right.
I've got toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my life.
But I'm gonna change starting today.
Swear I'm gonna change, starting today.
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The Elvi Gurnee, Illinois
The ELVi are from Gurnee, Illinois.
They have been performing on and off (mostly off) since 1993.
Fear not... there may still be some sprinkles left in the box.
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Stairway To Mar-a-Lago
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